bad dreams and late-burning candles.

the house has been really quiet...nearly everyone is on vacation or at shittown or the climate camp or anti-fa camp in hamburg so i´ve been drinking a lot of tea and smoking a lot of cigarettes and having bad dreams. the past two nights i´ve woken up to escape them; the night before, i was lying awake but had to finish the dream, this twisted swimming race through the sewer, and couldn´t get out of bed until i´d seen it to completion.

last night i dreamed that there was a flood. at first we thought it would only destroy the bit of xb which was on a separate island, seceded from the rest (the guest house?) but then suddenly the first floor of the house was filling up with water and everyone was trying to grab their things and wake their friends and get out before the water filled up the rest of the house.
i grabbed photos. i thought about taking my computer but it was too heavy. my room had bunk beds and i stood looking wistfully before i walkswam out.

later that night, last night, i was standing on the roof of the building and was working with a devil/skeleton to build an instrument. we had three or four recorders that we stuck together and put his head on the top. it was a competition or an attempt to save something. i blew into the skullrecorder and it cried; then i sucked in as deeply as i could and it sucked out all of my breath and strength and make this piercing screaming noise, somehow faustian.

sleeping is not so comforting anymore.

currently reading..."sabotage cafe" which i found in the kitchen.

flea fly flew flown fleet fled flayed fleeced flat flick

wednesday. went to school, h and jenna left for shittown.

thursday. no school. hung around house all day. ariel and i ate makkali sandwiches in xberg and then went to que pasa for mojitos and watermelon men. discussed language at length...lovely lovely lovely.

friday. last day of school, which i had to attend in order to pick up my certificate. deadly deadly boring. came home and took a nap and then woke up in time to go to vokü at fischladen (rina and lao made boller vegan pizza.) came home and ran into esther who was going over to 105 to eat so i went and ate again, indian food with chai and more cigarettes. ariel´s last night but fischladen and 94 and the xb bar were all boring so we went to the Other Side of friedrichshain and ate another pizza and drank on the stoop by escando until 3 or so.

saturday. woke up at 11 and took ariel to the ubahn. went to graffiti store and yo-yo´s (kvist burger??) with charlotte who´s off to leipzig. everyone is on vacation and the house is strangely quiet. cleaned up the kitchen and tried to disspell some of the army of fleas who have descended...made a fabulous amaranth salad with cucumbers and peppers and lemon juice. went over to fischladen with lao later but it was boring...headed over to köpi and stopped by cassiopeia, which was expensive and there was a hiphop party going on at one of the other venues in the complex that cost 12 euros! full of yuppies and tourists. köpi was also pretty dead but i congratulated laser and smoked cigarettes to the rhythm of the scissor sisters for about two hours before heading home. we went to fischladen first and there was this sweet band--trombone, bass, viola, pocket trumpet (SWEET), accordian, piano, sexy female voice--finishing up so we hung around for a while and finished our beers/turbovodka. crashed around 3.30.

sunday (today).

recount decount

whew the days have been WELDED together but hopefully i can teil them up a little to remember the passing. excuse my english. mannn this is hopeless.

yesterday/tuesday - really good vegan food in friedrichshain at yo-yo (gärtnerstraße)...i ate a giro and almost died. it took us forever to find it. ice cream afterwards and then back home for a nap (6-9). talked to angela about linguistics and philosophy and the new school in ny and this philosophy conference in april. really good seitan vokü at xb. hung out outside with cinnamon and arielle and h and arielle´s beautiful new silver pen...my future band will be called "the golden elbows" and we will play with "the silver kneecaps" as "the joints." there were fireworks but i´d already gone inside.

monday - h and jenna disappeared for the day...i did some internet stuff and tried to go to dinner at k9 but it was a false stressfaktor lead, so arielle and i ate dinner with cairus and cinnamon at 94: something delicious that looked like gluey potatoes or maybe strangely appealing wet bread. the conversation circled around piss and nipples. hung out outside the xb drinking sangria, then went to the scherni bar with h and jenna and karl marx. ("i only shit because i love you," a forgotten black out tag, "dutch me here," and the bathroom upstairs says "if you do not clean your shit we will put it in your breakfast...we know who you are." terrifying, no?) tried to play pool but i couldn´t get the balls out despite a lot of whispering to the table. jenna made a confession about her national identity. eventually went back home and slept in the Room At The End Of The Hall.

sunday - slept again for a long time. we tried to go to the punkrock flea market at kopi but it didn´t really exist...so we walked in the rain from hauptbahnhof and then ate vokü (hummushummushummus) and watched the rain in the köpi barbasement with angela and emma and jenna...h´s friend jan came from hannover for the day (i think that was today....) and we read pablo neruda poetry aloud. he was lovely and civilized and sarcastic as wonderful. ended up at fischladen, where the question of the night was "what is the opposite of porn?". this spurred much discussion. also discussed flash mobs, queerness/gayness, and other topics of interest. went to the playground at 3 or 4 with esther to swing on the swings and broke my glasses into about 3 or 4 pieces.

saturday - slept most of the day to recover. missed the fuckparade which was at 2 but decided to go to the fuckparade afterparty with jenna, h, arielle. ate pizza at escando? in friedrichshain and met sebastien, the loneliest little cabinetmaker from somewhere near frankfurt. drank sauer shots and bloody marys before the fuckparade party. at first we paid for the wrong entry (we paid 5 euro to get into a trance party) but then erased our stamps with spit, got our money back through the wonder of jenna´s dutchface, and went to the massssssive party. it sucked. left early.

friday - KOPI PARTY, a.k.a. "getting hit with the kopi stick." dressed up in bike tubes and electrical tape x´s (pictures are a possibility) and wore my harness on my back to work the bar from 10 to 1 and then danced till late. danced with the leader of the harness workshop. left with arielle at 4 or 5 and ate spinach pastries...arielle got a gash/rag pastry.

thursday - might have gone to school. harness workshop at k9, made a harness out of bike tubes and made some fabulous bike porn with the h-bomb. arielle gets in from ireland? possibly tal made vokü at fischladen and it was delicious? something broccoli-y and salad with almonds and creamy potatoes and something else unreasonably delicious.

wednesday- went to school. lad.i.y.fest begins...tried to pick up some fliers in kreuzberg but predictably enough got lost and annoyed and came home emptyhanded. ??????? this might have been the day that tal showed us her belts and such and i helped holly dye her hair pink...or maybe that was tuesday.

tuesday - went to school. ?????

monday - ?????

whew linearity is such a stresser.

days days days go bye

whew i´ve been spaced out about which day of the week it is...i was sure yesterday was saturday (it turned out to be sunday) and i slept in today...
so let me straighten it out for myself...and you...
sunday: woke up late; charlotte helped me/showed me how to change a tire and patch the inner tube on snail. dirty dirty dirty. the party at quälgeist was only letting people in between 3 and 4 but when the tire was back on, it turned out there was another slow leak and so i took the ubahn and got to mehringdamm at 4:45. i knocked unsucessfully and sat outside the door for 5 minutes smoking a cigarette until someone happened to come out and i went in. met a german girl and we spoke--in german--about hierarchies in anarchist scenes and how the gay/lesbian scene differs from the queer scene in berlin and s&m experiences...my german failed me often but it was still pretty sweet...then i flew. then we ate gummi bears. came back home, chilled out outside for some hours; met a guy who told me secrets of the world.
saturday: woke up late, went out with berry & jenna to follow the hanfparade along unter den linden and friedrichstraße and finally ran into it at potsdamer platz after eating thai food and gelato from the p.platz arkaden...grapefruit gelato is fucking delicious. looots of polizei in riot gear/with big bomb-like vests and lots of guns and sticks and radios. of course there was no weed. walked to brandenburger tor to see anna but no luck. i moved the rest of my stuff out of my alex apartment and got some rent money back. came back home and chilled outside for hours and hours...walked with charlotte to sherni (?) to get SNAIL my new sexy fast black bike. so i name it snail which kind of sounds like "schnell." interesting encounter with christian, my foozball buddy. walked into my room at 11 mid-"party" and lie down and went to bed.
friday: mmm...test at school, think i did okay. moved stuff from alex apartment, when i got home julia was in my room. she was on her way out and i guess had been staying there...was upset, we ate pesto and bread and smoked cigarettes and drank tea and then drew on the walls. the room is much better now. and the wall by my bed reads "in the bronze chamber, faced with the silent handkerchief of the strangler, hope is faithful to me; in the river of delights, panic has not failed me." borges gives me shivers. julia took off later, i chilled out at the xb with anna and berry and jenna and etc. and went to bed around 3 or so.