Sunday, September 20, 2009

notes from a yaqui way of knowledge.

"'A man of knowledge is one who has followed truthfully the hardships of learning,' he said. 'A man who has, without rushing or without faltering, gone as far as he can in unraveling the secrets of power and knowledge.'

'Can anyone be a man of knowledge?'

'No, not anyone.'

'Then what must a man do to become a man of knowledge?'

'He must challenge and defeat his four natural enemies...[he] can call himself a man of knowledge only if he is capable of defeating all four of them...anyone can try to become a man of knowledge; very few men actually succeed, but that is only natural. The enemies a man encounters on the path of learning to become a man of knowledge are truly formidable; most men succumb to them.'

'When a man starts to learn, he is never clear about his objectives. His purpose is faulty; his intent is vague. He hopes for rewards that will never materialize for he knows nothing of the hardships of learning.
He slowly begins to learn--bit by bit at first, then in big chunks. And his thoughts soon clash. What he learns is never what he pictured, or imagined, and so he begins to be afraid. Learning is never what one expects. Every step of learning is a new task, and the fear the man is experiencing begins to mount mercilessly, unyieldingly. His purpose becomes a battlefield.
And thus he has stumbled upon the first of his natural enemies: fear! A terrible enemy--treacherous, and difficult to overcome. It remains concealed at every turn of the way, prowling, waiting. And if the man, terrified in its presence, runs away, his enemy will have put an end to his quest and he will never learn. He will never become a man of knowledge. He will perhaps be a bully, or a harmless, scared man; at any rate, he will be a defeated man. His first enemy will have put an end to his cravings.
It is not possible for a man to abandon himself to fear for years, then finally conquer it. If he gives in to fear he will never conquer it, because he will shy away from learning and never try again. But if he tries to learn for years in the midst of his fear, he will eventually conquer it because he will never have really abandoned himself to it.
Therefore he must not run away. He must defy his fear, and in spite of it he must take the next step in learning, and the next, and the next. He must be fully afraid, and yet he must not stop. That is the rule! And a moment will come when his first enemy retreats. The man begins to feel sure of himself. His intent becomes stronger. Learning is no longer a terrifying task.
When this joyful moment comes, the man can say without hesitation that he has defeated his first natural enemy. It happens little by little, and yet the fear is vanquished suddenly and fast. Once a man has vanquished fear, he is free from it for the rest of his life because, instead of fear, he has acquired clarity--a clarity of mind which erases fear. By then a man knows his desires; he knows how to satisfy those desires. He can anticipate the new steps of learning and a sharp clarity surrounds everything. The man feels that nothing is concealed.
And thus he has encountered his second enemy: Clarity! That clarity of mind, which is so hard to obtain, dispels fear, but also blinds. It forces the man never to doubt himself. It gives him the assurance he can do anything he pleases, for he sees clearly into everything. And he is courageous because he is clear, and he stops at nothing because he is clear. But all that is a mistake; it is like something incomplete. If the man yields to this make-believe power, he has succumbed to his second enemy and will be patient when he should rush. And he will fumble with learning until he winds up incapable of learning anything more. His second enemy has just stopped him cold from trying to become a man of knowledge. Instead, the man may turn into a buoyant warrior, or a clown. Yet the clarity for which he has paid so dearly will never change to darkness and fear again. He will be clear as long as he lives, but he will no longer learn, or yearn for, anything.
He must do what he did with fear: he must defy his clarity and use it only to see, and wait patiently and measure carefully before taking new steps; he must think, above all, that his clarity is almost a mistake. And a moment will come when he will understand that his clarity was only a point before his eyes. And thus he will have overcome his second enemy, and will arrive at a position where nothing can harm him anymore. This will not be a mistake. It will not be only a point before his eyes. It will be true power.
He will know at this point that the power he has been pursuing for so long is finally his. He can do with it whatever he pleases. His ally is at his command. His wish is the rule. He sees all that is around him. But he has also come across his third enemy: Power!
Power is the strongest of all enemies. And naturally the easiest thing to do is to give in; after all, the man is truly invincible. He commands; he begins by taking calculated risks, and ends in making rules, because he is a master.
A man at this stage hardly notices his third enemy closing in on him. And suddenly, without knowing, he will certainly have lost the battle. His enemy will have turned him into a cruel, capricious man, but he will never lose his clarity or his power.
A man who is defeated by power dies without really knowing how to handle it. Power is only a burden upon his fate. Such a man has no command over himself, and cannot tell when or how to use his power.
Once one of these enemies overpowers a man there is nothing he can do. It is not possible, for instance, that a man who is defeated by power may see his error and mend his ways. Once a man gives in he is through. If, however, he is temporarily blinded by power, and then refuses it, his battle is still on. That means he is still trying to become a man of knowledge. A man is defeated only when he no longer tries, and abandons himself.
He has to come to realize that the power he has seemingly conquered is in reality never his. He must keep himself in line at all times, handling carefully and faithfully all that he has learned. If he can see that clarity and power, without his control over himself, are worse than mistakes, he will reach a point where everything is held in check. He will know then when and how to use his power. And thus he will have defeated his third enemy.
The man will be, by then, at the end of his journey of learning, and almost without warning he will come upon the last of his enemies: Old age! This enemy is the cruelest of all, the one he won't be able to defeat completely, but only fight away.
This is the time when a man has no more fears, no more impatient clarity of mind--a time when all his power is in check, but also the time when he has an unyielding desire to rest. If he gives in totally to his desire to lie down and forget, if he soothes himself in tiredness, he will have lost his last round, and his enemy will cut him down into a feeble old creature. His desire to retreat will overrule all his clarity, his power, and his knowledge.
But if the man sloughs off his tiredness, and lives his fate though, he can then be called a man of knowledge, if only for the brief moment when he succeeds in fighting off his last, invincible enemy. That moment of clarity, power, and knowledge is enough.

"For me there is only the traveling on the paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge for me is to traverse its full length. And there I travel—looking, looking, breathlessly."

Sunday, May 31, 2009

radical queer convergence (subtitled: i wonder if embracing freakness ever stops feeling strange sometimes)

i'm tired as what but i have to get out a few thoughts out bash back...already being home that space seems so special(ized?) and far away.

thursday night: folk show
friday: radical bdsm workshop, dance party, punk show/xxx party
saturday: diy sex toys workshop, forging a radical trans identity, red line dance party
sunday: genderqueer caucus, fatphobia, report back, radical networking

so many identities, so many issues. a lot of smart people and good ideas and a lot of angry people (often the two overlap somewhat.) it would be tempting to walk out thinking that totally eliminating ignorance about discrimination is impossible to achieve, but i don't think so. my experience was really positive. in being so conscious of power in those spaces, maybe i had more control or more power to contribute.

plus i'm working on organizing this conference/vergence in october....this was a much better and totally different model & experience than the midwest mgblta conference, to say the least.

the strange and fabulous collection of people there aimed--through open conversation--to be accessible and i think in some sense, as compassionate as possible. it was pretty inspiring, maybe. my everyday life doesn't include many spaces like that.

this is a first processing....i'm exhausted, post-catharsis. more later.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

blogs blogs blogs!

feminist blog carnivals! delight!
is a semiregular seasonal peer-reviewed journal, offering work in English and French, that aims to presents the best in scholarship on feminist theory and culture. We envision a broad definition of studies in “feminist theory and culture” which can include, but are not limited to, development and applications of feminist theory; cultures of feminism and feminist movement (including academia); and feminist cultural studies.
carnival of radical feminists is held once a month on the full moon..."our goal will be to foreground posts in the feminist blogosphere which highlight or showcase radical feminist analsis, theorizing, process, events, politics, and ideas, and which celebrate and honor sisterhood as it has been herstorically envisioned by radical feminists."
carnival of feminists is held twice per month and aims to showcase the finest feminist posts from around the blogsphere.
feminist carnival of sexual freedom and autonomy collection of links to blogs that will host future editions of this carnival, promoting the sexual rights and freedom of women.
let them eat pro-sm feminist safe spaces personal stories, and links to posts about, the whole radical feminist view that kinky folks should "examine our desires."
daily dose of queer

Sunday, March 8, 2009

If the idea of democratic planning, of controlling our destiny, is the intellectual content of socialism, then solidarity is its emotional energy source--the moral understanding and the searing conviction that, however overwhelming the challenges, we are in this together.
"Reimagining Socialism" by Barbara Ehrenreich and Bill Fletcher Jr

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

fall is here

i can tell that we are gonna be friends

safely walk to school without a sound

back to school...i'm in

anthropology of gender & sexuality
an anthropological perspective on human rights
physics with calculus

tonight i'll dream while i'm in bed
when silly thoughts run through my bed
about the bugs and alphabet
and when i wake tomorrow i'll bet
that you and i will walk together again
i can tell that we are gonna be friends

Sunday, September 28, 2008

what would foucault do

"It seems to me that the real political task in a society such as ours is to criticize the workings of institutions, that appear to be both neutral and independent; to criticize and attack them in such a manner that political violence has always exercised itself obscurely through them will be unmasked, so that one can fight against them." Foucault from a discussion between Foucault and Chomsky.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

a scrap

i'm sitting by a cat that is attacking a pen which seems evenly matched in a battle of sharpness. i offered him my hand but he had a very mean glint in his eye--his name is baby--so i withdrew it quickly.